Against the Wind

Being your own boss in a side-hustle sucks in many ways.  You can always talk your way out of something.  There is no one to compel you onward when you are feeling off.  There is no outside pressure to get something done, unless you create it yourself.

The good news is that you CAN create your own “outside” pressure.  Only it is inside.  When you know what you’re doing matters, even if you don’t know why yet, you remember your vision was a gift.  You relive the birth story again.  And, importantly, you believe again.

You know the vision.  You have seen it.  Though you don’t know how to get there, you know what it is.  You know when you are there.  And you know you need to keep walking when you are not.  As best you can.  Deliberate step after deliberate step in the direction of your vision.

There will be times when you don’t know what direction that is.  You will not know your next step.  You will feel clumsy and insecure.  Uncoordinated and unable to discern.  In those moments, you will simply have to surrender your lack.  You will have to own your ignorance.   

You are limited.  You are small.

But you still have to show up.  You still have to stare down the blank canvas.  You still have to look at the empty white board.  You still have to get alone with the Creative Spirit and wrestle down what is happening.  What is next.?  To do that, you have to show up.

This will likely require losing some sleep.  Not getting something else you could have had.  And that can be frustrating.  There is a price to pay.  That is real.  There is no doubt about it.  Exhaustion is a real thing.  But own it.  Celebrate it.  Count it an honor to suffer here.

Because real suffering (the kind actually required, not self-induced) is a gift.  It is like oil for the altar.  Pour it out.  Be grateful to be counted worthy.  Grateful for the chance to feel.  Feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all.  The pain is real.  These are growing pains.

And there is simply no way to get to where we want to go without these growing pains.  There is not.  Knowing this will not take away the pain.  It still really hurts.  But it gives the pain context and a way to understand its longterm purpose. We can endure.

Our pain is not for our demise, it is for our good.    

Good is the end goal.  That may mean different things for different people, but people know good when they see it.  They know good when they experience it.  It leaves a pleasant aftertaste.  A nice aroma. That’s what good does.  Good things are good and lead to more good.

The character developed through our trials is also good.  The result of those fires is good.  Tests are not to harm us (though they can, they are legitimate tests!).  There is simply no other way to grow those muscles.  Only through the testing can we grow the character muscle we need.

Perseverance requires testing. There is no other way to acquire it.  Perseverance is the forerunner of character.  And without character, there is no hope.  Not real hope.  If we want hope, we must go through the tests.

The end goal is resiliency - the ability to adapt to the challenges of life without losing our sense of self.  Personhood.  Your you-ness.  Like a tree firmly rooted in the ground, the tested one can reach high and bend long with the great winds. Without breaking.

Come what may.