Go back to go forward
It may seem counter-intuitive, even untrue at first.
Put your hand to the plow and don’t look back (that’s even Biblical, right, remember Lot’s wife). But once we have moved, once we are committed to moving forward, eventually we have to look back. Right? To make sense of the rubble we have created. To deal with our past.
We have to look into the painful memories of our half-starts, broken dreams, even our miscalculations if we hope to find our true self, our lasting epitaph, our constant craving. Our current pursuits don’t reveal the context, the history, the story we are after here.
Our mission, our why, our true self - that is buried deep in the recesses of our past.
We might expect to find it through positive quarterly reports - in successes, prosperity, in our wins. And perhaps sometimes that happens. But usually it is through our “not quite’s,” or “so closes,” or “not yets" that we find the connecting thread we seek.
The truth is, most people don’t do the work of contemplating. Of seeking that thread. Of looking for the consistent through-line that connects all the various pieces. It IS there. And you will find it, IF you really seek it.
It is worth noting that seeking inward connections like this, and even articulating them, won’t directly help you succed in your entrepreneurial task. It won’t directly equate to some business breakthrough (and thus may seem like a distraction). That is not the case. Knowing your story and your why will always lead to an improved confidence and deeper awareness of what your audience faces and how you will help them.
But the work is painful. It is like sifting through an un-sorted garage or basement. It will seem like a mess of junk, and mostly it is. But keep looking. Sometimes you will find an old part you need. And always you will be amazed by the good things there that didn’t grow. Reflect! What happened that they didn’t take?
Though we may not be able to answer these painful questions, the point is to look deeper. Those un-connected pieces may be less disconnected than we think. And they may still be working for you, even though they didn’t work for you yet.
Life is working for you. Indeed the universe itself will open up. IF…you believe it can. Not that it will. But that it can. That is the spirit of adventure we must employ as we dig into our past. Part archaeologist, part archivist, and two parts poet, we are looking for nuggets, threads, ties.
Go back with expectations. Not morosely feeling sorry for yourself, employing negative self-talk, looking for the particulars of failure: “See, this is where it always fell apart.” That does not help us. Look deeper into the pattern. Why there? What belief is going on at that corner that is stopping me?
What belief is really behind the derailment?
What we usually will find is some pattern of self-doubt. Some refusal to trust God’s promises. Some insistence on self-reliance, or self-sabotage. Choosing misery. Choosing a pattern of doubt. Choosing the muck. Instead of clarity. Instead of hope. Instead of trust.
Not that trust equates to a set of risk-free objectives. There ultimately can be no real trust without risk. But, somehow in faith, the risk we now face has more clarity. And by looking backward first we now have an inward confidence (what scripture calls “the confidence of things not seen”). And this confidence leads us toward an unforeseen future, an unrealized vision. Faith gives us the power to believe such a dream. There will be grief, sure, for the things that died along the way; but joy will be soon found in growth in the new world, and will quickly replace it.
Good things will start to grow. Slowly. Surely. Purely.
There is something both inside us driving us and outside of us pulling us, conspiring together. Call it history, mystery, the Zeitgeist, it is leading us into our story. Our moment. Our time. Listen. Watch. Trust. Know that somehow it will all come together. It will!
