A Whole New World

We have to let go.  There is no way around it.  Every heart affection must be given up.  Every last aspiration to be good, respected, even to contribute, to be a “good guy” - all must be left at the feet of something much larger and much more urgent: a brand new identity.

Dying to oneself.  It’s not an unfamiliar idea.  It’s common in most eastern religions.  But do we literally forgo our identity?  Our uniqueness?  Even our calling?  Or is dying to ourselves actively rejecting false versions of our self, ones we started to believe were ours to inherit?

That is the right question.  If we are being honest, we really don’t have a singular identity.  We are like teenagers grasping about for who we are, doing our best to please teachers, trying on different styles, personalities, identities (pre-packaged destinies each with a definitive path).

None fit.  None can fit.  Because destiny does not come pre-packaged.  It is not a fated reality toward a certain set of outcomes.  We must fight for it.  We must grapple with it.  We must reject who we are not, over and over and over again, to find out who we are.

Sounds simple enough.  And it is.  Simple.  Straightforward.  But as any songwriter or writer of any sort knows: simple is incredibly difficult.  Especially when forced.  When we insist on writing the story ourselves, which at times seems like we must, it comes out wrong.   

Yet we are riddled with the culpability questions: If we don’t, who will?  It is our life, our responsibility…right?  Aren’t we held responsible?  Yes, and no.  This is where the work of vocation becomes a beautiful mystery inside AND out. Yes, we are on the hook for certain things. 

We can blame no one else when our life becomes a train-wreck.

As prone as we can be toward self-pity, it will not move our vocational understanding further.  We must keep exploring.  Searching.  Listening.  Observing.  For we have been fashioned.  Already.  We are merely running our hands on the outside frame of what is already there.

We can not see the whole thing.  There is dense fog around us.  And it is simply too big for our immediate gaze.  But be sure there is more.  More than we can see.  There is a wholeness to our life that if we could see, even for just three seconds, would change everything.

But we can’t.  And we mustn’t, therefore, need to.
Nevertheless it IS there.

What we have is enough.  It is enough to proceed, move forward.  To accept our invitation into the great wide open - the gaping hole of uncertainty before us and the fears that step assumes.

We move into our future.  We graduate.  We leave behind what we know.  We must.  For only in leaving can we experience coming.  Only in releasing can we experience catching.  Our hands must be free and empty for anything to actually fit into them.  That’s how this works.

Lay it down.  Whatever “it” is.  Let the future in.  Whatever “it” is.  Trust.  Walk.  Walking is trust.  Moving is faith.  It not something we can do from within.  We must make a move.  Action.  Will.  Movement.  Starts inside.  But we must make a move into the future.  We must grow.

Multiplication.  Tacit potential.  It’s what makes us good.  It’s what makes anything good.  It’s not what you’re producing today, it’s what you have the potential to produce in 20 years.  We do not think in the short-term.  We can’t.

We are mindful and present, yes; but we focus on future. We must.